And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
