How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
