I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
