I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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