You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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