Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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