My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
