Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
