Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was born a porn star she said
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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