im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
