You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
