Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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