Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
