what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
