at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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