im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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