honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you didnt know i had herpes?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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