I CAN MOONWALK!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You are a genius and a whore.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
