I just threw up on my dentist
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
