Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
