Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
