i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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