There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
