I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
