i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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