The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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