it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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