Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
you made out with another girl for some wings
How does it feel to date your dad?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
