We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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