proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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