y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
