I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
