I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
