OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
