Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
