Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
