she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
