she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
