he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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