I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
