ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
