i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
wanna go halves on a baby?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
