Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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