Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
