My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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