Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
