WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
