If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
