I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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