I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
